So 1st July 2000 was a day to remember. Perfect in every way. We started trying for a baby straight away after the wedding, the relaxation of a holiday was going to work for us, we both thought it would. Nevertheless, AF appeared and she continued to do so month after month, bang on time as usual. Negative pregnancy tests were a regular sight in our bin. Some months I was convinced I was pregnant, I had the sore boobs, the sickly feelings, but it was never to be and we would be back at square one. I remember once sitting on our stairs and crying my heart out for a couple of hours because I wanted a baby so badly. I never dreamt that there would be something wrong, I still continued to blamed the pill.  Darren was always there for me and he was the one who told me to go to the doctors. So with reluctance I made an appointment and I opened my heart to the doctor and sat in her office and cried. She was so understanding and went through the initial tests, was I ovulating etc, It wasn't till then that it really hit me. I felt so scared and really alone. I had all the blood tests and was told that I was ovulating & Daz had a sperm sample and that was normal, so I was referred to see a consultant who specialized in infertility. Infertility was a word that I wasn't familiar with, I vaguely knew what it meant but not all the details and never in a million years thought that I was 'infertile' He suggested a lap & dye  test. I had that done in January 2002 which showed that I had extensive tubal scarring, my right tube was blocked and I had a cyst on my left ovary which they managed to drain during the procedure. I was in hospital for 6 days and was in so much pain. When my consultant came to see me he told me that in 1991 when I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, that's what would have caused my infertility. I was absolutely floored. I had spend 8 years on the pill and there was no way that I would have conceived naturally in that time. What a waste of time ! I saw the consultant again in May 2002. Darren and I sat and went through every option with him. Why wasn't I told in '91 that I wouldn't have children naturally ? There were so many questions that I needed answering.  Then the biggy came. The consultant told us that our only option of conceiving was through IVF, but we didn't qualify for NHS treatment. We couldn't believe it, the reason being that Darren has 2 children already and therefore we didn't qualify. Once again I just broke down, why were they doing this to us? It was me who had the problem not Darren. So we appealed against the consultants decision and in October 2002 we got a letter saying that the arbitration panel had agreed to provide funding for our treatment but the waiting list then was over 2 years so it would be October 2004 before we could even start. That was too long to wait but we had no choice.  So we started waiting, had a holiday and in December 2002 saw on the local news an interview with a local lady about infertility and it was about a support group on the internet that had been set up for people going through infertility. I emailed the site founder and I got a lovely reply back (Thanks Deanne) and started using the message boards on the website and was overwhelmed at the support and that it wasn't just me going through infertility and that I shouldn't feel alone.  It wasn't till I stared chatting to the girls that I realized that I should be pushing the hospital and the clinic for further answers.   In October 2003, my dad was taken into hospital unexpectedly. Dad didn't want to wait for a grandchild and kindly offered to pay for us to have IVF treatment privately. We were so excited and I was on the phone making the appointment the next day. We had our 1st consultation in January 04 and EC & ET booked for March 04. Between Jan & March I was so positive that it was going to work for us first time. I was petrified of needles but managed to fly through all the injections without a hitch. I had no side affects. EC was a bit painful but the drugs, Darren and the lovely staff all made it all relaxing. I had 6 eggs, but only one had fertilized. But that one little embryo that I named 'Eric' was going to stick around for Darren and I. He was going to be the one that was going to make us a mammy and daddy. So I had egg collection and the two week wait went surprisingly quick. By this time I was a May-B-Baby addict. I was on the boards 24 hours a day, 7 day's a week. Darren was happy because he had the use of the remote control to himself and he could also see how much support I was getting from all my good friends.  We were convinced I was pregnant. I had all the signs. I had the sore boobs, I had twitching feelings in my tummy and I felt sick. I was convinced, everybody was.  We went up to the clinic on Wednesday 31st March 2004 with my little sample. We both sat in the little room while we waited for the result. It was the longest four minutes of our lives. I knew when the nurse came back to see us what the result was. I could tell by her face. She just said "I'm sorry". I didn't know what to say. I felt like someone had ripped out my heart. I told her that she was wrong and that the test was wrong. Darren was heart broken. We just sat and held each other and cried. It was the worst day of our lives getting that negative result. Going home was awful, we hardly said two words to each other in the car. When we got home we just held each other and cried. Darren kept on saying to me "that's all I ever wanted for you" we were just so heart broken. It's a feeling that I would never want anyone to go through ever. I was still convinced that the result they had was wrong. I was still holding onto the fact that my period hadn't come and there still might be a tiny chance that I might be pregnant. Deep down I knew I wasn't but I needed to be sure so I did another pregnancy test at home on the Friday morning .... It was negative.... Our dream was definitely over.   Telling dad was probably the worst bit about it, I knew how badly he wanted a grandchild, sadly it wasn't to be and we both cried, dad's response was .. "well its only money, go make another appointment" So after 3 months of injections, scans, consultations etc, I felt I had nothing left to do. Dad gave us one more chance, we made another appointment to see the consultant, there was no reason for our first go to fail, it was just down to luck and my first go was more of a tester to see how I reacted to the drugs. An appointment was made for us again to start our second treatment in June '04.  Again I started with all the injections, I was like a pro this time round, I felt more relaxed and more positive. Once again I only produced six eggs, this time the clinic said that they were going to try ICSI, where they injected the eggs directly with Darren's sperm. This time 4 fertilised, and two grade 1/2 were put back.  I went through my two week wait optimistic, I wanted it to work so much but was secretly preparing myself for a negative result.  July 14th 2004, we went up to the clinic again with my little sample, we sat in the waiting room and that four minutes again seemed like hours, again the door opened and the nurse came in and said sorry to us, again it hadn't worked. I was prepared for that result and hardly cried. Darren and I left the clinic and went for a walk around our local park, it was a lovely morning and I will never forget that day. We hardly talked about it, which was probably wrong but I think we both knew what each other was feeling and we didn't need the words to confirm it.  Once again I had to tell dad, he was on holiday and I had to break the new to him over the phone.  That was the end of our two private cycles, it was a case of waiting for our NHS turn. My dad had been generous enough and paid for the first two, I wasn't going to ask him again.  We went back to see our consultant in the September to discuss why our last treatment had failed and to discuss our way forward. Again there was no reason why the treatment had failed. The drugs were right and my eggs and Darren's sperm were of good quality, it was just down to luck at the end of the day. Luck wasn't being very nice to us this year.  The consultant had some good news for us though, a couple had cancelled treatment and I was able to take their place and start with my NHS treatment at the end of October '04. I was so excited, Darren wasn't so sure. He wanted me to wait until 2005 until I started again, he thought that I had been through enough that year and wanted me to take a break. My powers of persuasion worked on Darren this time and I was able to persuade him that it was going to be 'third time 'lucky' for us.  Once again I began to get ready for treatment. I decided to try acupuncture which I loved and I also tried Indian Head Massage throughout my treatment. It helped me to relax and the acupuncture prepared and nourished my eggs ready for fertilisation.  I felt different this time round, the injections were a doddle and I passed the time by reading and relaxing and making sure that I didn't get stressed.  The egg collection was pain free, once again I only produced 6 eggs, the clinic decided to use ICSI again, 5 of which fertilised and on Egg transfer, two grade 1 embryo's were put back on November 24th '04.  The Two Week Wait was not so good this time, we found out that Darren's dad had cancer and it was very difficult for us both to deal with. I tried to stay as relaxed as I could and stress free. December 9th '04 Darren and I went up to the clinic with my little sample. Again we sat in the waiting room, I knew all the books on the shelves as I had been in that room so much over the past year. The nurses did the pregnancy test. The four minutes took forever, I was shaking so much and Darren and I never said a word  to each other, we just held hands.  Then the nurse opened the door and waved the POSITIVE test at us. I screamed so loud, I had a smile on my face from ear to ear, Darren squeezed my hand so tight I thought that he was going to break it.  I burst into tears and just couldn't believe that I was pregnant. We had done it, it was in fact, 'Third time lucky'  Telling everyone was just the bees knees. We were so happy it was the best Christmas present ever. No alcohol for me this Christmas or New Year. The first three months of the pregnancy were worrying, I started to bleed at 6 weeks but got the all clear from the hospital. It was a worrying time for us all. Once we had hit the 12 week mark then I began to be less worried and started to enjoy being pregnant and looking at my ever increasing bump was just magical.  Sadly we lost Darren's dad in January '05, he would have been just the best Grandad to Naomi. But the one thing that I always said to myself was that he knew that I was pregnant. He told Darren before he left us that we would have a beautiful baby and we did. He would have been so proud.  At the 20 week scan we found out that we were having a little girl and that everything was fine. The pregnancy continued well but towards the end of the pregnancy I suffered badly with all the symptoms of pre-eclampsia. I was booked in for an induction on 5th August 2005, 9 days before my due date. I was so nervous but very excited as I was going to meet my little angel very soon.  Unfortunately I had a failed induction and on Sunday 7th August I was taken in for an emergency C-Section. At 10.15am our little girl was born weighing lbs. 5ozs. She was the most beautiful little girl. Lots of dark brown hair and big blue eyes. We named her Naomi Ellen. Darren and I were overwhelmed, we were so happy and we had our own little daughter. It was just the best feeling in the world. We had done it, I was now a Mammy.  All the tears are worth it and It's true when they say its a rollercoaster ride of emotions, it is. The worry of infertility I will never forget. Our little girl is a gift and so precious to us and she is our little miracle and I won't forget what we had to go through to get her.  Infertility is such an emotional journey. No one will ever know what its like unless they have gone through it themselves. This May-B-Baby web-site has been a god send to me and Darren. I wouldn't have got through my journey without the support from the girls on here. I have made some wonderful lifetime friends and their support has been amazing.xxx I just want to wish everyone mountains of luck in achieving their dream. 

Keep fighting and keep positive. xxx Trace & Darren xxx   

My Birth Story - http://www.may-b-baby.co.uk/bbv2/bbBoard.cgi?a=viewthread;fid=69;gtid=79426 Naomi's Website -http://bund leofjoys.co/m/sites/naomiUsername - naomi_ellen Password - trace1